there are a lot of things people tell you about pain and loss, and they are almost universally inapplicable even when they directly describe what you are going through.
like "that's not okay", or "visit your grandparents while they're still here", or "get out now". the sentence is comprehensible and you understand what it means, but it doesn't have purchase until you work it out for yourself. and then you wonder how you let it get this bad.
better thinkers than me have thought about this a lot, and the consensus seems to be that it's just how we are. still, we spend so much time telling other people our experiences, advising, warning. it almost never helps.
so much of art is about that pain, but it only really works in retrospect, absorbed slowly like the sight of the vastness of the sea. we want to relate a little, but not too much, because part of what we crave is the comfort of knowing that next to that fathomless ocean of all human agony our own trials must be something we may in our brief lives overcome.
i have been told by people i love and respect that it gets better. i don't know if that's true, but i will tell you what i figure out.
